Am I a failure?

Lots of things are going on lately. Life seems very intense and unfair. I've been working hard but I still feeling like I'm failing. From talking to some other students in the I Ho Chuan I get the feeling that this is a common struggle. Work has been challenging as well. I have 2 new clients and lots to learn. There is a lot of pressure to perform and again I fear from failing and disappointing my supervisors. Actually, I'm more worried about disappointing my self.

My family is one of the main reasons why I joined Kung Fu and I always like to use the phrase Sifu Brinker is using - "use it as a tool and not as a hoop" and relate it to my Kung Fu training. I learn Kung Fu because it is a tool to achieve my goals and core values.

I guess my point is that even when it is hard and even when we feel down, we should see how the experience is benefiting us and our journey for better life.

"Failure isn't the end. It's just part of the journey to success. Quitting is the end. Never give up." Bonnie Pfiester.

Breaking the wall

Today was day one of the first aid course. I'm so happy I'm doing the course with another 2 members of the I Ho Chuan. It was great spending the day with Sihing Lagner and Sihing Lowery.

The dragon dance is progressing well, in my opinion and I'm also exited about the demo. I was working with Sifu Regier on our form and I think it is progressing very good. I'm nervous about the board breaking. I'm going to focus on my sequence for the next few days. It became a barrier that I need to break through.

Dragon Dance

This week we started working on the choreographed dragon dance. I was a bit worried because it usually takes some time for me to remember a new form, but I had a lot of fun and was really happy with what we were able to do in just an hour.

This week I was recovering from my head injury. I think I might have had some of my brain licking out. I was forgetting a lot of staff and I was very tired this week.

Tomorrow we are going on a 3 day canoe trip. This is going to be so much fun. We were waiting for this trip for a long time. Actually since last year when a similar trip was cancelled. I'm hoping to have some photos to share when we are back.

Life is precious!

Today was supposed to be a fun day, trail run racing, with the whole family. I was especially  excited to see my son, Kobe, participating in a 3km race. I was also excited to see my girls running (Noa and Shira - 1km, Aviva 500m). I woke up early (5am) in order to get to the race area and help with the setup. After about half an hour I got banged a heavy metal pole on my head.

My first reaction was - oh boy that is not good. I put my hand on my head and feeling all the blood, I looked at my hands and said - that is really not good.

I spent the next few hours in a medical center getting stitches and a tetanus shot. Needless to say, I missed my kids' races. :-(

I got to the race starting point 5 minutes after the last wave started running. I asked if I can start running and they agreed to let me run. Most of the run I felt really good. I didn't feel any pain. I think the anesthesia was working great.

It might have been easy to decide not to run because of my injury but I decided to make the best of it (I did ask the doctor if it is OK). At the end I had lots of fun and the kids were happy I ran with 4 stitches...

Moral of the story - watch what you are doing. Life is precious!

We had fun together

Today we went to a "celebration of life" for Tim, a family friend, who had past away while travelling in China. Tim was the first friend I had in Canada and although the age gap we had fun going for walks and doing computer stuff together.

During the memorial service I had lots of thoughts going through my head - am I leaving my life to the fullest? How many people will show up to my memorial? What will my kids say about me? How will they remember me?

There was one phrase from the memorial that I thought was very strong. Tim's son asked everyone not to think of the time we could have spent with his dad but to think of the good times we did spend with him. I felt it was very powerful and made me feel good.

RIP Tim :-)